Master Card

Sealed-Hepa vaccum cleaner = $250
Dustpan and rubber gloves = $20
Candles to cover the smell of decaying “gifts” = $20
Being owned by furry, rumbling, 4-legged foot warmers = Priceless
 Of course, I could do with less use of the candles. But. The warm feet, you know.

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Bilingual!!

OINK!! Oink, oink oinkoink!! Oinnnnk oink! Oink oink oink oink.
-Squee

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My native tongue.

MOO. Moo moo moomoo mooo, moo moo moooOOOOOooo. Moo. Moomoooooomoo MOO. Moo? MOO. MOO. MOOOOO.
-Me

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Walking the Line

We walk a tightrope, you and I, each on our little piece of string on opposite sides of a very small and quite distant net. We share the rope with trembling feet, secure only in the knowledge that the shaking is unintentional.  Only if we have faith in ourselves can we hope to cross to [...]

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Lest my Crabby Nature Reign…

OK, honestly, I just don’t like getting stood up. Wednesdays are for practicing. I drive into town and burn $6 worth of gas to come to rehearsal, so when I get a call after I’ve been sitting here for 2 hours saying, oh, BTW, I’m tired, so I’m not coming, it RILLY hacks into my [...]

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There’s Nothing Like High Expectations

One of these days, hopefully very, VERY soon, I will stop expecting things of people. You know, small things…like showing up when they say they will, considering my schedule for once, or simply doing what is right. 
Don’t hold your breath waiting. Even when I know the ending before the conversation even starts, I still manage to be [...]

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Biological Warfare for Beginners

Dear LORD, my house stinks! Even in my sleep I registered the reeking air of decay. Holy-freakin’-cow. I want to be able to communicate to the cats just how this is their danged fault, and if their eyes are watering and full of gooey boogers, I DIDN’T DO IT.
Alas, ’tis breath wasted.
Having been presented with [...]

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Waiting in Line

I’m a bit snuffed today.
The morning started off well enough, considering how active Murphy has been the last two days. My first stop was the bank, where I ran into a guy who used to have my back at school, and who is a colleague of a HS pal. He wanted to chat, and since I had [...]

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The Little Things

I got up this afternoon (no, that’s not a mistake, thanks to tylenol pm and benadryl) and started my daily routine, still tired. When I finally made it into the kitchen to feed the kids, two of them were chasing something around under a pie safe, where the victim kept running into a long-lost plastic-ball-with-bell [...]

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Touch Me. I’m Amazing.

They say time heals all wounds, but a little divine intervention doesn’t hurt.
Still… there’s a club I cannot enter, and it makes me tired when I remember how far down the sidewalk my cardboard box is. The password is “I Do,” it’s a lifetime membership, and the dues are rilly steep, but the payoffs can [...]

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