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Archive for the ‘God’s Such A Nut’ Category

I know it is normal practice for women to let men change the oil in their vehicles, I do, even if it means paying strangers money to do it. I HATE those guys, tho, cuz they always try to sell me stuff I don’t need, and I feel guilty for saying no. A while back I bought the filter and the oil to do it myself, and frankly, never did. The filter sat on my dining room table, mocking me, reminding me that I am more or less a lazy sot. It was a very LOUD filter, that one. On Monday, I decided to shut it up. (more…)

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Flea rocks. Seriously. If you came from her site, you know this already. If you don’t, get thee hence. Today she led me to the edge of the YouTube cliff and, without hesitating, pushed my butt OFF. Right over the edge. So thoughtful of her, doncha think?  I’m stealing her thunder by showing you where I landed. Heh. I love these guys, and we just met. Is that too needy?

Hmm. Apparently WordPress is going thru puberty, and is withholding the ability to embed until I bring it flowers or something. Here’s the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UeF0fNwCL04&NR=1

Go. You know you want to.

Funny, huh? OK, maybe not so much HAHA funny, but VERY TELLING. Click around and watch some of their other vids. They me want to be Baptist again, just so I can do stuff like this on Sundays. (Shhh… don’t tell my elders.)

BTW, If you’re not a Jesus person, it’s ok. Don’ be hatin’. Those of us who drank the tropical punch koolaid are ok with you wanting a less complicated flavor. Just come back another day if you don’t wanna read about it.  (If you wanna taste, it’s free… :D)

School starts for me Tuesday. (TOMORROW! ACK!!) I’m nervous, but the first day is always stressful. Tonight I have to finish my syllabus and get some sleep, so I can get the thing copied in the morning before blastoff. The butterflies are on crack, apparently, cuz I feel just a little nauseous. Or, it could be the bean dip. Whatever.

OK, then. I have to type. See you guys later!

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Um, I think most of you know by now that my opinion of myself is rather low on the scale.  It may or may not have been suggested that my brain be airbrushed to give me some semblance of self-esteem. In spite of that, I reported a few weeks ago that I have possibly made a new friend. Well, y’all, it’s official. I am a 12-yr-old girl.

I swear I feel like the kid who finally got picked first in dodgeball. Why? Well, somebody came up to me today and told me this awesome person was looking forward to getting to know me.  OMG, how lame am I that I giggled OUT LOUD?!? Yes, I’d LOVE to trade unicorn stickers and glitter pens with you! Say, Saturday, after Bratz? Check yes or no. Apparently I, the wallflower, have managed to attract a nice person IRL instead of sending her running away. It doesn’t hurt that she’s very smart and very funny and VERY MUCH LIKE ME without the whole self-hatred thing. Her children think I hung the moon, too, which is… um… good? Yes?

Y’all, it might be… just maybe… that things are looking up. Now if I could get a couple of my cyber friends here, too, we could totally take this burg and give it a shade of red even the devil could appreciate.

Later. *giggle*

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Y’all, look out your windows and see if the clouds are still moving. They shouldn’t be: the earth has stopped on its axis. Why, you ask? Because I, wallflower extraordinaire, have a new friend. (more…)

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Sorry, y’all. I should have linked to the kids. Here. Again, thanks!

ConvenientFriendGuy put a nice little thank you for me in his concert program tonight. Every now and then he gets it right, bless him. *Guard still up, pleez*

Hey! Pregnant MamaCat wasn’t!! And now she will never be, cuz I put a stop to that, “‘quick, fast, and in a hurry.”  One down, 4 to go. Y’all can come visit me in my cardboard box after the babies bleed me dry. At least the weather will be warm. (If you haven’t seen the Weather Channel lately, I am in the dry, hot corner of December. God took His big crayon/finger and drew a circle around GA. He said, verily, “No water for youse. Go forth and sweat.”)

Have a great (hopefully cool) Wednesday.

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I admit it. I am a sinner. I am a spiteful, conniving little brat with a chip on her shoulder. I sit around for hours, plotting how I will get my revenge on those who have wronged me, so if you have ideas, it would behoove you to turn around and run.

If you believe ALL of that, I have a really nice, shiny bridge over here, dirt cheap!

I am a bad girl at heart. I guess we all are, if we’re honest, but I readily admit trying to make sure I was in the right place to see that certain stalkee person, and have even considered renting myself out as a hoochie for the weekend. Booty call, baybee. Yeah, cutie. I’m lookin’ at you…*wink wink*  OH. Um. Ahem. Sorry.

Tonight I held my tongue. I know, I KNOW… you don’t believe me, but trust me. There’s a chick walkin’ around tonight with all her blood on the inside because I kept my mouth shut. I wanted to cut out her tongue and impale it on a pointy stick (sharp for sharp, see?) and put it in my front yard as a warning to the natives. Later, I would dance around it naked and shoo off the flies, then leave it as an offering to the possum living in my barn. BUT! I kept the peace! Really!

See, I am taking a Sunday off from my church job – you know, the one where I don’t get paid, but I am adored. And Stuff. It just so happens that I am DOING that because our Big Cheese Music Leader will also be out of town: it is a pain in the tush when he’s not there, what with me being such a people person and all. You know.  So, I decided to be gone for the weekend, and will most likely attend The Church of the Holy Sealy.

Anyway, when I wouldn’t tell Chick where I was going, she said, “OH. IIIII know what it is.” I said, “What?” “One is out of town, the other is out… you don’t enjoy it when he’s not here…” Grrr. I informed her that I had NEVER done that (I haven’t, even though I wanted to), that I was ALWAYS here when he was gone unless we were both out on school trips. She shut up after that, because, well, she lives in a gigundous glass house.

I was miffed, not only at being so transparent in motive, but that she dared to try to make me feel guilty. She and her guitar-playing hubby left me alone most of the summer while they were off vacationing, with nary a concern for the services. She wouldn’t know how often I’ve carried the load ‘cuz she hasn’t been there to see it. If she had a 10-pack of “get out of practice/church free cards” for stupid things like being tired, she would be out of them by February. Her hubby is in the same boat with his kid’s little league games. We never know if they are gonna show up or not – they don’t bother to call, so for her to have that kinda nerve… well… you can tell. 

Now, before you get all wadded up over my apparent judgment of Chick and Hubby, please refer to sentence 2 of this post. THAT one is complete truth. It just jacks me up when somebody’s freakin’ eye-plank tries to knock me off my toadstool. Yes. YOU, C&H, are the reason I will not be in my church this weekend. I cannot stand YOU.

Now, God, I know this is a willful thing here. I have no defense. I freely admit wanting to smack the living crap outta one of Your kids, and I can only hope I will repent at some point.

That point is NOT going to be tonight.

So. There is no pike in my yard, no speared tongue-of-“insert title here,” because I just let it go – right onto your screen, I’m afraid, but that’s really why you read me anyway, isn’t it?

Tune in later for another installment of “Fun With Conflict Resolution. ” I am gonna have a huge dose of humble pie and take a nap.

Want a bite?

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