Archive for the ‘It’s About the Heart’ Category

I forgot how destructive babies can be. It has been a year since I had kittens this age, and I thought I missed it. Turns out, the best part of the babies is when they’re sleeping. On top is Boggart, under him is Elsa, to the right is Romeo, and the black sweetie is Spock.

Such angelic faces...

Such angelic faces...

Don’t get me wrong! They are adorable and I’m dyin’ uv teh kyoot an’ all, but dannnng, those little claws are sharp. Their brakes are useless most of the time, unless they happen to be stopping on bare skin. Then they work just fine. My circulation seems to be pretty good, too, judging by the heights the blood manages to reach while exiting my punctured arteries. (more…)

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Um, I think most of you know by now that my opinion of myself is rather low on the scale.  It may or may not have been suggested that my brain be airbrushed to give me some semblance of self-esteem. In spite of that, I reported a few weeks ago that I have possibly made a new friend. Well, y’all, it’s official. I am a 12-yr-old girl.

I swear I feel like the kid who finally got picked first in dodgeball. Why? Well, somebody came up to me today and told me this awesome person was looking forward to getting to know me.  OMG, how lame am I that I giggled OUT LOUD?!? Yes, I’d LOVE to trade unicorn stickers and glitter pens with you! Say, Saturday, after Bratz? Check yes or no. Apparently I, the wallflower, have managed to attract a nice person IRL instead of sending her running away. It doesn’t hurt that she’s very smart and very funny and VERY MUCH LIKE ME without the whole self-hatred thing. Her children think I hung the moon, too, which is… um… good? Yes?

Y’all, it might be… just maybe… that things are looking up. Now if I could get a couple of my cyber friends here, too, we could totally take this burg and give it a shade of red even the devil could appreciate.

Later. *giggle*

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Y’all, look out your windows and see if the clouds are still moving. They shouldn’t be: the earth has stopped on its axis. Why, you ask? Because I, wallflower extraordinaire, have a new friend. (more…)

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I’ve been distracted lately by a project that I should have finished in September. Luckily it turned out well, and the person who asked for it was pleased. I wrote a brand new choral piece for a children’s choir in Warner Robins, and it will be performed for the first time in January, in front of a room full of music educators from my state. Fingers crossed, it will go well. The director said there’s somebody interested in helping me get it published if it does, so. Yay. (more…)

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It has been a busy week, so I haven’t posted in … wow… 4 days. I’ve gotten into that habit lately, but I don’t realize it has been so long, honestly. I just get busy, you know… watching tv, reading the comics. Heh. Anyway, this week could have gone better. (more…)

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God is going to get good and tired of me railing on Him when crap goes wrong. But apparently He is in a good mood at the moment, and somebody has been praying for me HARD. In the midst of my grief over losing not one, but four kittens in one day, I said some pretty serious things to Him. I meant them. Then my guardian angels stepped in and softened me up a little, and I managed to not cut my wrists. (more…)

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I was sitting here, minding my own business, checking my email, when I got my butt tagged. Flea stole a meme (you’ll have to go look to see from whom), and she just up and tagged me. Well. Harumph. Actually, I’m quite flattered that anybody’d be interested in what I have to say. I feign harumphness.

The challenge is to write my memoir in 6 words. I took Flea’s word for the true definition of a memoir and skipped straight to the thinking part, after opening the windows to vent the smoke that was bound to pour out of my ears. My first effort:

Life licked, and I licked back.

Hmm. Funny. Not bad, but kind of wet, and it’s really more what I HOPE will be rather than what IS.  At the moment, the most I’ve done is follow everyone else’s thoughts of what my life should be.  My mother demanded  that I stay an education major in college because it was safe and reliable.  That is true if you are a mindless drone a really good follower who doesn’t stand up for herself against morons question authority.

Sorry. Bitter, much? Anyway, my next thought was a little more appropriate, because it said more of my opinion of life in general.

Life bit, and I bit back.

Still with the not-so-much true as wishful, tho. Life bites, but I still haven’t taken charge and snagged my own bite in return. I started thinking less in terms of a complete sentence and more along the lines of 6 words… just… words… that tell my story, both now and for the future I hope will be, and I found them.

My memoir.

Loved hard, lost much, gained more.


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We had some excitement here yesterday! I went on my merry way to teach a few lessons and go to church, and I came home to some loud, LOUD squeaking in the kitchen:

Ashes’ Babies Mama on Monday

I was so happy they finally arrived, and in the box I had prepared for mama! She didn’t seem to have much trouble with the births, but it wore her out. She slept well last night, I think. There are 2 tabbies, a solid white, a white and black, a black and white, and a solid black. OMG. I didn’t want them, cuz really, I think I have done my part in the rescue world, but they are so danged cute I am completely won over and glad they are here. Luckily, the mom seems to be able to feed them all, so I won’t have to bottle-feed anybody.

Let me note here that this is my neighbor’s cat. It was his responsibility to get her spayed, promised he would, but he didn’t. Now I get the joy of dealing with the consequences. I plan to take matters into my own hands and make sure this doesn’t happen again, but I won’t be around for these babies, to get them fixed. Dunno what we’ll do about that yet.

I came home livid and sad last night. The whole “raison d’get-the-heck-outta-town” grew three notches yesterday, so I was ready to beat the crap out of something. I took out my frustration on some chicken breasts the night before, pounded ’em flat, but last night’s dinner was ground beef. Not much damage I could do there. The babies? TOTALLY fixed it. I have to figure out how to get them all out of the box and change the bedding, though. CRIMINY. The size of that EW…

The second-cutest part of the newbies has been the reactions of the others. Pics of my others are on Flickr, linked on the right side of the page, just in case you’re interested. Moo is Ashes’ only survivor from her first litter, and she got up in the window ledge to peek into the box and see the event. Moo stuck her head out of the curtain while Ivy had the mama distracted and looking the other way. I didn’t have the camera handy, and oh, what a kewl pic I missed! The lolcaption would have read, “Ceiling cat intern chex in on new assignmint.” As it almost always is with the Ceiling Cat, we never know when we’re being watched, when He’s checking up on us in our distress.

Happy Love Thursday, everyone.


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Early this morning all heck broke out in my yard. Cats were scrambling for the cat door and dogs were barking like crazy. I checked on things and hoped the eventual silence meant everybody was ok, but I was wrong. My little Vicki, my biker chick kitty, was dead. I found her this afternoon, but she was already gone by the time I heard her stop screaming last night. Whatever got her gutted her with one or two bites. I walked out there and watched, but never saw anything out where she was, so I assumed the worst was the scrambling. I should have gone deeper in the yard.

She was feral, but she lived here with me. She would barely tolerate me walking through a room she was in, much less let me approach her. My kids loved her, though, and woke me up playing with her nearly every morning. I had been worried about her getting pregnant, and about not taking her when I move. Guess that’s settled.


Hey! The neighbor’s turkey hen is on the nest, not dead. THAT was good news. I still don’t know why he lets them wander in the road, though. Seems irresponsible, and not a little mean. Sez they’re not “road worthy.” Brainless wonder, that one. Sheesh.


I still don’t have the DW installed. I may just wait till my friend can come do it Monday afternoon. HE knows what he’s doing, but I hafta say, I really want to say I did it myself. Too bad there aren’t any single guys around who’d like to rescue a helpless little thing like the babe. Heh.


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So. Today we buried another of my friends, on this, the anniversary of my own mother’s death.  The service was everything he wanted it to be: full of joy, celebrating his life, praising his Savior.  Back in December he asked me to play a medley of upbeat songs when the time came, and I did. People understood why, I guess, if they knew him at all. I just didn’t know it would be so soon. I don’t usually get emotional at funerals, but this one was something special. I wept a lot today, and not just for the loss of my friend.

I am really excited about the prospect of starting over in a new town, a place I loved before I even visited. But the other side of that is giving up a great church with a pastor who never fails to serve a massive plate of spiritual protein on Sundays. I am also walking away from a place of service, where I can play piano and sing and help people worship with my music. I am not wonderfully skilled, but people seem to like what I do. The new town has a couple of good churches, but I am not at all sure there will be a place for me on the music team. I don’t do well in the audience. I worship best when I am in the middle of the works.

My greatest loss, the thing I am already mourning, will be the working relationship I have with the worship team leader. We’ve been friends for 20 years, one of those friendships where words aren’t necessary. As musicians, we share a brain and the presidency of our mutual admiration society. He is my repair guru, my spiritual mentor, and a brother. I tell him to reboot when his computer goes flooey. He tells the cheesiest jokes, and lots of times I’m the only one in the room laughing. I love him. It’ll be kinda lonely without him.

Today I am Indiana Jones, stepping off the cliff in search of the Holy Grail of a fresh start. I know there’s a reason for all of this struggle, I just want to know what it is NOW.  I am looking forward to meeting new people and actually going to a grocery store that doesn’t sell tires, but I am really struggling with the enormity of what I am about to do. This house… dang, it’s full of stuff.  Don’t say yard sale, because the kind of stuff I need to get rid of is more valuable than a 5-cent pair of pants. I am not inclined to advertise things for sale because I live alone, and I ain’t stupid.

Anyway, kinks to work out, boxes to pack. It’ll all work out in the end, I know, and I may find someone over there I can love even more than the people I’ll leave behind. Y’all just be patient with the whining, k?



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