Archive for the ‘That’s just funny.’ Category

One day last year, a bunch of marketing geniuses were sitting around in the boardroom of a pharmeceutical company.

“So. We have this acid reflux stuff. What the heck are we gonna call it?”

“Um, you know the FDA has been on us about truth in advertising and all that crap, right?”

“Yeah. Freakin’ micromanagers. Just because all those fat people got their hopes up with those lipo drugs. I thought that was a pretty good connection, personally. Hey. Let’s mess with them.”

“Who? The fat people?”

“No, idiot. The FDA. Let’s find a name that they aren’t smart enough to recognize as a joke. They’ll put it out there and we can laugh at them every time the commercials run.”


“No, really. We can totally get away with it! C’mon… acid… it affects acid… aci… effects…”


*Dissolve into uncontrollable laughter*

Seriously. How did that get past the censors? Every time I hear it I go all Beavis and Butthead. “Huh huh huh…they said @$$.” I don’t even think I could act in the commercials… it would take a biiiig paycheck waiting in the wings for me to keep a straight face.

I HAVE to start going to bed earlier.

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Get Thee to a Punnery

I have a confession to make. I? Read the comics. Religiously. I KNOW, I KNOW. I’m proving the reading level of my blog every time I out myself about things like that. WhatEV. A LOT of information can be gleaned from comic strips. Frazz (on comics.com) has improved my vocabulary. Pearls Before Swine makes me believe that maybe my attitude isn’t as bad as I think. Rat speaks my mind a LOT more often than I’d care to admit, but he’s a little more cruel, I think. I LOVE 9 Chickweed Lane, Spot the Frog, and Arlo and Janis.

Then there’s Grimmy. Grimm is a tres mal pooch who tortures Mother Goose and her cat, Attilla, and cannot for the life of him graduate obedience school. I found out about him years and years ago, but he won my heart when I found this cartoon somewhere. I later bought the plush on ebay.¬† It has an honored, if dusty, place in my bedroom. Appropriate but unnecessary. Heh. ANYway, here’s the pun o’ the day. It was such a streeeeeetch, I had to laugh. Had to. Maybe you will, too.

BTW, copyright police? Back off.


Happy Sunday!

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A (Stolen) Funny

I snagged this out of somebody’s comment at Comics I Don’t Understand, stuck on this political cartoon. Forgive me if you’ve heard it. I seriously laughed out loud when I read this. Scared the cats off the couch. I guess the 12-yr-old boy in me came out.

When I go to sleep at night, I always take a Viagra, with a cup of hot chocolate. The hot chocolate helps me sleep, and the Viagra keeps me from rolling, and falling out of bed.

*Insert Yahoo ‘ROFL’ icon here*

See? We Presbyterians CAN laugh after all!

Happy Saturday!

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I Am SOOO Addicted.

Forgive me for three posts in one night. I am a fountain tonight, apparently, and cannot help myself. If I had your number, I’d call you to chat. Alas, this will have to do. Is it wrong that I tag my own stuff as “funny”? Hmm.

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By the way, I have a cafe press shop, too. Seems to be the thing to do. It’s limited at the moment, and does have one design that might be questionable, unless you have a sense of humor. ūüôā Cyndi’s post explains that one. Check out the shop if you like. You can just look, no pressure. I won’t be offended if you don’t want to buy anything.

I am just beginning to add designs, so if you want something, let me know. I am not an artist, but I’m pretty good with the snark. Hah.

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Iz Funy?

Lolcats, lolcats everywhere, and not a pic iz picked.

Needz votez. R U amewzd? Vizzit. Clickz. Makez us poplar. Srsly.

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funny pictures
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funny pictures
moar funny pictures

funny pictures

moar funny pictures


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Some posts need to be written immediately, and others need to simmer in their own juices to be fully flavored. The problem with simmering is that I have completely forgotten every single thing I was gonna write. You know, cuz I’m retarded like that. Today’s post is gonna be a bunch of brain farts, since I’m too lazy and busy wallowing in the joy that IS my life to write them separately. If ya get tired reading, come back later and finish. I won’t know. Heck, bring a friend if you want, and read it together. OK. Off we go.


They’re small, you think. They are sooo good, and they’re small. Just one. More. Besides, they’re SMALL.¬† Fifteen minutes later, you have eaten an entire 3 oz bag of sugar free candy. DO NOT LAUGH AT THE 3 OZ. This is one of those lessons I just never seem to learn. That 3 oz seems so insignificant,¬†but dear LORD, let me WARN you NOW. Just…DON’T. I woke up at 3am doubled over in pain, and when I rolled over, the only thing I could do was…well…¬†“let it out.” I’m sure the USGS registered it. I can sometimes blame it on the cats, but for them? This would have been an entire colon’s worth of air. Over. And Over. And? OVER. For 6 HOURS. I was still walking around rattling windows when I got up the next morning. And yet, this afternoon? TWO bags of SF gummy bears. ¬†I am SOOOO gonna pay, and it was SOOOOO worth it.

Times like this make me glad I’m single. So much easier than being polite.


I have had some bih-ZARRE dreams the last few days. This afternoon I took a nap (mistake) and dreamed I moved into a new apartment. When I finally went upstairs 3 days later, I found a cat’s paradise: toys, furniture, piles of soft towels and beds and stuff. I also had a 6-week-old kitten jump on my shoulder. There were 6 total, just left there. Added to the 12 I already have, that’s…um…that’s…a LOT of CAT. About that time, my (dead) mother came to visit. She walked around and we discovered the house had another half to it, a demolished half that had broken windows and no floors and seemed to open directly onto a street full of drifters and every seedy human-type person you can imagine. She went OFF. I reminded her that I am not exactly rolling in cash, and that SHE hadn’t offered to let me stay with HER. “DON’T YOU THINK I AM BEATING MYSELF UP FOR THAT?!?” she sweetly screamed at the top o’ her lungs. Hah. Good times, those afternoon naps!

The ones I had last night made me want to get up and call someone. Srsly.

I was falling asleep and felt very threatened. There was something in the room with me, and it was hard to wake up. Fast forward to the next few minutes, when I¬†was almost asleep again. I heard my bedroom door click, and I thought, “NO. Please, NO.”¬†¬†The room got thick, and I tried to scream, but the room just absorbed the sound, as it absorbed the tiny bit of light coming thru the window. My voice was gone. Then something vaguely human, bald, climbed on top of me –¬†I was paralyzed, unable to get free.¬†It was transparent the way¬†heat is as it¬†floats on a highway in summer, but it was heavy… physical, and menacing. I whispered, “Get thee behind me, in the name of Jesus. Get OFF me, in the name of Jesus,” and forced my way out of the thickness of the air, the paralysis, into consciousness.

Whether or not it truly was an attack, I dunno. I know the brain does the paralysis thing in the early stages of sleep, so don’t bother telling me that. The fact that my mind recognized it as demonic makes me wonder. I admit, I did think “so this is what people think is an alien abduction,” the first couple of times last night. I even mentally chastised myself later for not letting them take me, cuz I want ’em to take me some night while I’m driving somewhere¬†and bring me back¬†thin. SRSLY. Wouldn’t that be cool?? To go to bed fat and wake up a NORMAL?? Wow. I haven’t been a normal since I was three. I keep wishing, but the second and third people living in my skin are still here, and there are no odd triangular marks on my neck. Dangit.¬†

The third one was different. THAT one scared me. I truly thought I was done for when I couldn’t scream.

Gyah. Not funny, I know! Sorry ’bout that, but sheesh. I’ve had the oppressive dream thing before, so I knew what it was, but I have never seen what was coming for me. THAT was new, and when I kept DREAMING it, it freaked me out a bit. I really started to just get up and reset my brain. Reboot. Scroll. But luckily, I fell asleep and dreamed something harmless after the third episode.

Whew. Srsly.


I boarded Ivy for the chorus trip I had to take last weekend. I left the other 11 to fend for themselves, but after finding Lily lying on Ivy’s head one morning so she couldn’t breathe, I decided she needed a little more consideration. She meows now. Go figure. Two days in a cage, and she decides to talk. Kittens are so easy. They’d never make it as international spies.

When I got her home, you’d have thought she’d been at Leavenworth for a year. She stopped to sniff the front door, then the sofa, the floor in the dining room, the chair legs, the door frames, the water bowl, everything. She was so happy to be home she couldn’t stand herself, little tail straight up and wiggling the whole time. Next time I have to be gone overnight she’ll be big enough to stay home,¬†but if she weren’t, I’d find a human to take care of her instead. My vets are marvelous, and they loved having her cuz she’s the poster child for terminal cuteness, but she was changed by the experience. I guess that’s what life does, but I DO NOT WANT. Maybe what¬†I DO want is to open a boarding facility of my own. Hmm. Now to win the lottery so that can happen…


Dang. Never, EVER buy multiple bags of sugar free jelly beans. They’re so SMALL, see, and so HARD to reSIST.

Run, kitties. Run for your lives.

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I know I must be the last person in the known universe to see this, but it’s a hoot. ¬†Enjoy.

For the story behind Sparta’s internet debut, go here. Such a cool guy, and his owner’s a cutie, too! ūüėČ

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My house is a freakin’ racetrack.

I don’t know if I told you, but right after Christmas, I found a kitten in my truck engine. I had a choice to either shoo¬†her out and have¬†her get knocked up in a few months (if¬†she survived), bringing her kittens to my place for refuge, or rescue her and add her to the household. I think you can guess which I chose. She’s slightly cross-eyed, solid black, and full of mischief. Such a sweetie. She’s made several friends already, and NASCAR has NUTHIN’ on these guys. Paws of Thunder, makin’ circles around my sofa. Criminy. Squared, even.

She also follows me like a puppy, but she’s not alone. The rest of her “siblings” are just as bad, and I’m not sure if it’s because they love me or if they’re holding out hope for a few bites of chow. It’s like I’m Britney Spears. Every time I move, a passel of cats goes with me.¬†I go to pee, three of them want petting.¬†Go¬†to the kitchen, and it’s like I’m pantyless in a cab.


Cyndi calls them the “Catzarazzi.” ¬†From their vantage point on the floor, they could get some truly frightening shots if they only had thumbs. Thank God for that little evolutionary oversight.¬†

Ivy’s cutest habit, though, is one her big sister Lily had, too: trying to nurse on one of my moles (I know, TMI. Get over it.¬†It COULD¬†be¬†MUCH worse.) I have one teeny one on my shoulder that catches her eye EVERY. TIME. and she can’t resist. If I had a dollar for every time I nudged her face away and said, “not a nipple,” I could fill my gas tank. Twice. She’ll even pat my shirt when it’s covered up, ‘cuz¬†she KNOWS it’s supposed to be there.¬†

This morning I woke up to a muffled little “meep” on my bed. I looked down at the foot to see Lily lying on Ivy’s head – not biting, just… lying. Subtle. I guess there are still a few friends to be won over, yet.

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So I was getting out of my truck this afternoon with a double armload of groceries, and I heard the most AWFUL sounds coming from across the street. It made me think of somebody being flayed. Seriously. I almost called 911, cuz SURELY there was a life being lost. Turns out it was a couple of cats in the throes of passion, which is pretty much the same thing, but the weirdest part was not the fact that there will be yet ANOTHER round of kittens looking for the sign to the cat house across the street. No. The WEIRDEST thing was that these two had an¬†AUDIENCE – four rather large turkeys, who, when the noise reached its’ peak, so to meow, would gobble with a bit too much gusto. Whether they were disgusted, disturbed, or encouraging the lovekitties¬†is anybody’s guess, but they were a might TOO interested for my taste.

Of course, I wanted to know if it was anybody I knew, but my hands were full, and it was raining. I’m just sayin’.

This has already been a rather long Sunday. I woke up 2 hours early at the paws of a cat wanting breakfast. I didn’t even look – I’ve learned to just offer some fingers for scratching to buy myself some time. The cat¬†I THOUGHT I was petting came bounding onto the bed at that very moment, having heard me stir, and ran smack into the newest member of the family. That¬†could have gone better: like, say, if both of them had taped ginsu knives to their front legs and spurs to the back. As both landing pad and buffer, I took the worst of the brawl, and adding “shirtless” to my description should give you an idea of what a pleasant experience it was. ¬†

The rest of the morning up until the catapalooza was filled with smelly candles and a small simmering pot of irritation. I am REALLY mad at myself for expecting people to keep their word. They just can’t do it, and I can’t stop being mad about it, no matter how many people tell me to get over it. There’s a reason I am alone, I guess.

OK! So! I’mm off to burn a smelly candle or two and take a long winter’s nap! Wanna join me? No? I’ll keep you warm…promise! Hmm. Ok, then, suit yourself.

But ya don’t know what you’re missin’! ūüėČ

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The mother of a friend of mine went paint shopping at the store that rhymes with MallCart. She was trying to decide what she needed when an associate walked up and asked if he could help.

“Um, yes. Can you tell me what the difference is between the flat paint and the satin?”

“Well, ma’am, ya’ see, this here flat paint, it’s for flat walls…”


Truth. I swear. I can’t make this stuff up. She started looking around for cameras, sure she was on tv, but the guy was absolutely serious.

BTW, she didn’t buy the paint.

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